The PGA Tour is planning to start drug testing later this season. They may want to start with Ian Poulter. Not to suggest the kooky Brit is taking performance-enhancing drugs, but there is a real possibility he is on some type of imagination enhancement.

In the British version of the March issue of Golf World magazine, Poulter is quoted as saying the world of golf basically boils down to two players — not Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson mind you. Not Woods and K.J. Choi, or Woods and Vijay Singh. Not even Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer.

No, when you’re talking about the creme de la crème here, you’re talking about Woods and — take a second here to clear your throat — Ian Poulter.

“The trouble is I don’t rate anyone else,” Poulter is quoted as saying in the mag. “Don’t get me wrong, I respect everyone who is a professional. But the problem is I haven't played to my full potential yet. And when that happens it will just be me and Tiger.”

Now, before you double over in laughter, choke on your breakfast or, God forbid, wet your pants, the dude has a point. When you put Poulter and Woods together, you have 62 PGA Tour wins, 92 wins world-wide and 13 major championships. That is formidable.

There is, however, a slight quid pro quo. Poulter brings just seven international wins, zero PGA Tour wins and zero major championships to the equation. In other words, the team of Woods and Poulter is not much different than the team without Poulter.

At the same time, as the interviewee said, you have to keep in mind Poulter has not hit his stride yet. He is, after all, only 32 years old. Give the green horn some time. And as an aside, keep your eye on Jay Delsing. He turns 48 this year and is approaching 550 career starts without a win. He’s just about to go off.

Seriously, you have to admire Poulter’s confidence, if not his campy outfits.

“I do speak my mind,” he told Golf World. “I am pretty honest with what I say.”

Honest, to be sure. Intuitive, highly questionable. Smart, not.

Putting Poulter in the same luxury box as Tiger Woods is like comparing Jon Kitna with John Unitas, Willie Wonka with Willie Mays, Oscar Meyer with Oscar Robertson.

Poulter is spot on correct in at least one way — none of his peers seem any closer to rubbing elbows with the game’s No. 1 player. Woods opened up an eight-stroke can of whoop on his fellow pros last week. He now has won 20 of his last 37 starts, a winning rate of 54 percent that is just plain silly.

In his best season, Nicklaus won seven of 19 PGA Tour events, a 36.8 winning percentage. In his best two seasons combined, Nicklaus won 14 of 39, which computes to 35.8 percent. Woods is in a league of his own.

“He is extraordinary,” Poulter said. “If you look at the rankings he is almost two-and-a-half times better than the guy in second place.”

The guy in second place, or ranked No. 2 in the world, would be Mickelson, who has 39 professional wins, including 32 PGA Tour versions and three majors. Now, just following along Poulter’s thoughts here, if Woods is 2 ½ times better than the guy in second place, how much better is he than the guy in 22nd place.

Uh, that guy would be Poulter, No. 1B in his heart but No. 22 in your Official World Golf Rankings program.

How goofy does the Golf World interview get? Poulter was asked for his predictions on this year’s majors. He conceded the Masters in April to Woods. But for the U.S. Open, he added, “You can put me down for that one.”

Right. The national championship is back at Torrey Pines in June, the course where Woods just pinned his opponents, where he has won four times in succession and six times overall. Call it a hunch, but the odds are likely to favor the color-coordinated outfit over the color-constipated one.

Satire aside, this is all good fun. How else are you going to compete with Woods unless you believe you can compete with him, unless you expect to compete with him? Frankly, some of Poulter’s peers could use a dose of this gumption. Most seem to have given up. Most talk about competing for second place when Woods comes out to play.

Where professional golf is concerned, the add should read: “Characters Wanted.” The site of Woods systematically winning tournaments and compromising golf courses is technically pleasing, and historically captivating, but there’s not much liveliness to it.  

It happens over and over again. If his peers can’t join the fight, at least they could provide some entertainment. Whether it’s what he wears or what he says, Poulter brushes with bold strokes.

Problem is, the golfing press lives for comments like these. They will ride this outburst for weeks to come, assign it a more sobering texture. They will replay the quotes over and over, squeeze every last note and column to be squeezed from it. They will turn Poulter’s words into a Poultergeist, a disturbing manifestation that won’t go away.

Ask Sergio Garcia. Ask Rory Sabbatini. Ask Stephen Ames. Ask Woody Austin. In professional golf, thou doth not take the lord TW in vain. You can get in less trouble talking about abortion, stem cell research, the death penalty.

A player who has the audacity to tug on Tiger’s cape, to suggest Woods might put his glove on one hand at a time, gets slapped down like the cable guy at a satellite dish convention. The first thing the press does is run to Camp Tiger, repeat the offending passages and report the rebuttal. The whole episode, maybe innocent to begin with, becomes vial and ominous.

Woods needs bulletin board inspiration like Eva Longoria needs a makeover. But he usually plays along, offers some type of smiling retort that turns into a tossed gauntlet. And thus controversy is born.

Poulter will be singled out now, criticized for Tiger taunting, fitted with a Tiger target on his back. But when you wear the kind of outfits Poulter wears, you’re not worried about drawing attention to yourself.

Besides, Poulter might tell you, he has to get used to the heat if he and Woods are going to share the same kitchen.